This week, my wife will have her final surgery after a year of surgeries for breast cancer and breast reconstruction. It has been a long journey with 5 total surgeries (2 surgeries were done in the same day). Through it all I have been blessed to see how God has taken care of Erin and helped her through each surgery. I’ve also been so amazed at how Erin has handled every surgery with strength, courage, and hope. She has been through more than I can imagine, yet through it all she still praises God and has been such a Godly example to me, our children, and everyone she comes in contact with. We both are praying that she will never have to go through cancer again and now can finally get back to normal. Please pray with us that this surgery goes well and that she will remain cancer free!
For the longest time I have been a pre-Thanksgiving Christmas Scrooge. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas and love all the things that go with Christmas. From remembering and celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, to the food and parties, to getting to see old family and friends, the music, and everything else. However, I have always been strict about not starting any of my decorating and celebrating until after Thanksgiving. Black Friday has always been a joyous day for me as I crank up the Christmas tunes and start to get excited. Anything before that seemed to rushed and forced, and even more to the materialistic side of the season.
All that being said, I am now almost 37 years old and realizing it’s time to change my ways. And I have two very good reasons for this change of heart. My sweet little girl and crazy little boy. They love Christmas and their excitement is contagious. I love that they love the Christmas for the right reasons too. Don’t get me wrong, they love presents and all the fun stuff they get to do, but they know we are celebrating the birth of Jesus and love hearing about his arrival as we set up the Nativity and go to church. We even broke down and put up the Christmas tree early this year as they couldn’t wait any longer and tonight I sat down and watched the live action “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” with them. My son especially loves Christmas and would decorate the whole house without our help if we would let him. His favorite thing for me to do is take him to Lowes so that he can look at all the decorations, especially all the inflatables!
I love my kids excitement and joy for the Christmas season. It is truly infectious and has rubbed off and turned an old Scrooge like me into a Santa hat wearing Christmas dad……….in November!
The past week and a half has definitely not gone the way that I had envisioned it would. I hoped that I would be in the middle of a whirlwind of ministry, traveling to various schools training students and coaches to do FCA, and leading Bible studies. However, that has not been the case and I have pretty much been confined to my house, the doctors office of the hospital.
For about two weeks I have been having a lot of pain that gradually got worse and worse. Pain when I sat and pain when I moved. Friday night a week ago I was in bad enough pain that went to urgent care. Unfortunately they misdiagnosed and the meds they gave me did nothing to help me. By Sunday, a week ago today, I was in such bad pain that I had my wife take me to the emergency room where I spent most of the day. While the ER was not able to totally fix me up they were able to give me pain meds and make it a lot easier for me to deal. Finally, on Tuesday I met with a surgeon who diagnosed my issue and set up surgery on Wednesday. It turns out I had a problem called a fistula. I’ll let you google that and find out what all that means, but I warn you not to look at the pictures. So Wednesday, I had outpatient surgery which went well, but now I have to go back and meet with the surgeon again, set up a time for a colonoscopy, and make a plan for what comes next.
Since Wednesday evening, I have been at home on bedrest. The good news is that I am slowly starting to feel a little better and move around some. While there is still pain, I am in nowhere near the amount of pain that I was in before the surgery. And hopefully this week I will be able to get out among the living and while not at 100% at least be able to do some things.
The good thing to come out of this is first of all that I have been forced to get some rest. When you are stuck in bed and on pain meds that make you sleepy, you sleep. So for the first time in awhile I feel refreshed as far as sleep goes. The second good thing that has actually been the best thing is once again being forced to rely more on God. This first came into play with just being in pain and having to pray and pray and pray to be delivered from the pain I was in. Then more prayer for doctors, surgery, healing and everything going on in my body that I don’t fully understand right now.
I have also been forced to depend on God through all the worry, discouragement, and depression that Satan has been throwing at me. Worries such as worry about how I am going to pay for all these medical bills and what am I going to do about our family’s financial support for ministry which is not at 100%. Worries about important meetings and Bible studies that I am missing while being stuck at home. In times when I should be encouraged by the awesome friends that God has given me me that have called and texted to check on me, I’ve found Satan trying to discourage me with the fact that I am stuck inside and had no friends visit. Depressed that I just haven’t been able to be up interacting and enjoying my family. I don’t list these things to be whiney or to elicit sympathy, but to be honest about lots of the things going on in my mind right now. And then to also let you know that my God is bigger than all these issues. He will meet all my medical and financial needs. He has given me great friends and will give me more. God will take care of all my meetings and Bible studies. Whether that being letting them go on without me or rescheduling them. He will allow me to be a good Dad and Husband to my family. Instead of letting the stillness and forced time of rest drive me nuts with discouragement from Satan, I have to remind myself that God says I need to be still and know He is is God. Nothing is to big or small for Him. He will never leave me nor forsake me.
So please pray for me that I will seek God deeper each day, even when this health issue is over. Pray that I will get healthy soon and get back to just being able to do and enjoy life without pain. Pray for the issues that Satan has thrown at me to worry about, that God would meet those needs and I would continue to trust He will do so. And lastly that even though it’s hard I would enjoy being able to rest!
The summer has officially flown by and my baby girl is heading back to school tomorrow for her first day of the First Grade. On Facebook I received one of the throw back pictures of her when she was so very tiny, and now here she his tall, beautiful, and full of high energy starting her second year of school. Not only, does it make me feel old, but it’s depressing to realize how short the time God has given me to be a Dad really is. My constant prayer to God is that I am the type of father who reflects Christ to my kids in all that I do and say. Looking at how fast that time is going, really makes me want to be sure that I am reflecting Him well. My time as an example is short and I want to have maximum impact for Christ on my kids. I can’t imagine all the things that my daughter is going to have to face in school and life, so helping her get a Godly base now is so important. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:16 (ESV), “Making the best use of time, because the days are evil.” I have to make the best use of time with my sweet girl so that she can face all that life throws at her, both good and evil. That’s my prayer as a father and I hope that if you are a parent it’s your prayer too!
I’m a Dad and all too often I am reminded by the actions and words of my kiddos that I am still figuring this whole parenting thing out. I have two wonderful kids. My six year old girl is a firecracker who is full of life and does everything full speed ahead. Sometimes this leads to her being overly persistent even after she has been told no to something and losing doesn’t always go over that well with her. My five year old little boy is as sweet as they come, but he does struggle with some speech and learning/developmental delays. These issues definitely give him his own struggles and issues to overcome.
Each day, I realize that each of my children have their own issues and struggles and that as unique little individuals I have to respond to them in ways to unique to each child. My daughter is fiercely independent and my son is not. She needs more words of affirmation and he needs more quality time. With my daughter sometimes you have to be louder to get her attention, that same volume though can break my son’s little spirit so he needs a quieter gentler tone of correction.
The problem with dealing with my kids and meeting their individual unique needs is that I am a sinner. As a Dad I don’t always respond the way I should. I let my own issues, fatigue, and life in general all too often color the way I parent. Too often my responses have more to do with me than that of what my child is doing or needs. This is an issue that God has definitely been dealing with me about one the past few months and it has led me to a simple prayer that I pray daily, if not several times a day. I pray and ask God to allow me and my wife to be the type of parents that point our kids to Christ in all that we do and say, and that we show His love to them in all that we do and say.
This prayer convicting to me, because it points out the times that day I have failed to do what I’m asking. Also, it comes to my mind when I am in the middle of some form of parenting my children and helps me slow down and think about the love, kindness, discipline, and guidance that I may be about to give. I know I am a fallen sinner, but I want to seek my God so that my kids see Christ in me and want a deeper relationship with Him. I never want to be the parent that breaks his kids down and drives them away from Christ.
I am praying to be a parent who is reflecting Christ well and ask that you pray for me in this area to!
It’s a day of Celebration in our family and in Heaven! After church today Maeven began talking with her brother Judah about His need for Jesus and prayed with him. I then was able to talk with Judah who very clearly told me “I want to follow Jesus!” We talked some more and prayed together and I am so excited that Judah know Jesus as his Savior and Lord! I can’t wait to see what God is going to do with my little guy. We are also so proud of Maeven for wanting to make sure her brother knew Jesus!
If you have been following this blog or just know me in general you know that this has been a crazy year for me and my family. After much prayer we felt God leading us from a ministry where we had spent the past 11 years into full time ministry with FCA. That led to not only changing ministries, but selling our house, buying a new house and moving, having to go back out on deputation to raise quite a bit more financial support and countless other changes to our family life. Then once things were finally starting to feel a bit more settled, my wife Erin was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy.
Through all these changes and events I have had to do more thinking and praying than I ever thought possible. I have truly seen where I really have no control over anything and God has control over everything. I have seen things that look like huge mistakes turn out to be God’s way of providing for future needs. It’s been a true time of faith development in my life.
Even though I have seen my faith grow and my dependence on God grow over these past few months there have been times I have definitely struggled with depression and even wondering if have made the right choices. As the uncertainty of financial support has weighed on me and just the stress of learning a new ministry and making new contacts there have been those times where I have questioned whether or not I should have done the easy thing and stay where I knew what I had to do and knew the finances would be enough. These particular doubts changed for me last Thursday as I took a cute little 6 year old out on a date.
Last Thursday my son Judah had to go to the eye doctor and so my wife asked me to take our daughter Maeven out on a little date. It was funny, because Maeven was so excited she got all dressed up for me and even put on a little “makeup” (chapstick lip balm) for the date. So while Mommy and Judah were at the eye doctor, Maeven and I went to Dunkin Donuts for our breakfast date of frozen hot chocolate and peppermint donuts. Maeven made sure we got the big comfy leather seats where we could talk comfortably as we munched on our goodies.
I started out asking her how her school year was going and about her new friends that she had made, and of course about what she wanted for Christmas. Maeven then surprised me and asked me why we had moved to Richmond this year. I told her that Mom and Dad knew God wanted us to work with FCA and Richmond was where He wanted us to do that. I then asked her if she was happy with our move or not?
One thing you need to know about my daughter is that when asked a question, she is very high truth and tells you exactly what she is thinking. With no thought at all, Maeven said, “Yes!” I then asked her why she was so happy with our move. Once again without having time to think Maeven said to me, “because you are home more Daddy and I get to spend lots of time with you!”
Right away I told her that I loved that too and did my best to fight back the urge to tear up hearing those words from my sweet girl. All those worries about whether or not I had made the right decision to transition ministries and move my family really melted away. While I am so thankful for all the years of ministry I had previously had there was so much time that I was away from my family. And I always justified it by saying that the ministry was important and that my kids were too little to notice. However, as Maeven’s moment of truth had shown me, they had noticed. They knew there dad wasn’t around as much as they would like me to be and I knew that I had missed a lot.
Within my new ministry role, I know there will be lots of ups and downs, lots of stresses and pressures, and lots of time that I am out from my family. At the same time it does afford me much more time to spend with my family and be there when they need me to be. Whether that be taking care of my wife as she recovers from here battle with breast cancer or just having that needed quality time with my kids I am truly thankful for all that God has brought us through this year and all that is to come. I am so thankful that He can use a sweet 6 year old girl to bring encouragement and joy too!