As I wrote last week, my wife and I were recently able to attend an FCA Coach and Spouse Conference together. Many things from the conference have stuck out and become very real that Erin and I have been trying to apply to our marriage. One of the most striking lessons that the speaker shared was that we need to not attack each other, but identify and attack the problem together instead. This really hit home to me as I know there are so many times that I let little things and even big things cause me to jump onto my wife. Instead of getting on to her and causing division in our marriage, I was convicted that I need to slow down, identify whatever the problem is, and then with my wife attack it and solve it.
No sooner than we had left the conference was this conviction tested. My wife had accidentally backed our van against a truck in her parent’s neighborhood. Originally the owner of the truck she made contact with said there was no damage and not to worry. However, when we got back from our conference, he then said that this one small dent, that I’m not even sure is from her, is going to have to be fixed. My first reaction was to not only be upset at this man for going back on his word, but also at my wife for backing into the truck. But what good would that do? Erin already felt terrible about the incident and was near tears. If I jumped all over her and attacked her all I would be doing is tearing down someone who is already broken and needs my love and encouragement. So, stepping back I prayed about the situation, told her we are going to attack the problem together and figure out how to handle it. Since then we have just been bathing the whole problem in prayer together and praying for a miracle. Instead of me being mad at her over the incident and her being mad at me for attacking her, we are working and praying together for a solution. So far, we have not heard anything about having to pay to fix the truck and are still praying we won’t, but even if we do we are united and a situation that could cause division has brought us closer together. So, I encourage you, attack the problems in your marriage, not each other!