The past few weeks have been an exercise in truly trusting in God when I say that I am trusting in Him. You would think after the past year I would totally rely on God’s promises to take care of me and my family. I have seen Him provide for us as we sold our old home, moved to a new area, started a new ministry, helped my wife overcome breast cancer, provide the finances to cover all here medical expenses and so on. It has truly been a year of one example of God’s faithfulness after another. Yet, I sit here now knowing that Satan has been attacking me full force and making me worry and be anxious about God’s provision.
With the ministry that I work for, my family has to raise our own support to cover all our bills, living expenses, and ministry costs. So, a big part of what I do is schedule meetings with churches, organizations, and individuals. Currently, we are at about 82% of our needed support level and so I have been scheduling as many meetings as possible to try and get fully funded. The great news is that I have been blessed with several meetings and people have seemed genuinely interested and concerned about our ministry. The bad news is so far none of these meetings have led to new monthly and yearly support commitments. Also, during this time we have had tons of trouble with our van and put money that we really needed for other financial issues into getting it fixed. There are also some upcoming financial bills that I know will be here soon that just have led to me feeling totally overwhelmed. There have also been some just struggles of loneliness and other issues that I really have felt have been hitting me hard during this time as well.
I am very much the type of person who likes a plan. I like to know what needs to be done to get from point A to point B. This struggling and sense of being overwhelmed this past month or so has really just began to take a toll, with anxiety, tightness in my chest, sleepless nights, and other issues derived from worry. I have been so blessed with things that God is doing great in our ministry and opportunities to use sports to work with kids, but yet can’t help but feel Satan is using anxiety to rid me of the joy that I should be having.
The good though is that I know while I am nervous and anxious over the future my God is not. He is in total control, even though I often feel alone. In over 12 years of full time ministry and living on support, I have never had a need that God has not met. And so I am retreating into His Word and promises. From the time I accepted Christ as my Savior on October 14, 1984, my favorite verse has been Hebrews 13:5 which ways that God will never leave me nor forsake me. That’s something I have to remind myself of overtime that I feel anxiety setting in. Rather that wallowing in worry, I have to be diligent to call out to Him and not go to my automatic how do “I” fix this mode.
I know that deep down that if I trust God, He will always reveal Himself to be faithful. That was evident this past weekend. On Sunday after church, I was really struggling with anxiety and my chest was so tight that I was honestly scared. I ran out to do some errands leaving my family at home and my anxiousness kept growing and I couldn’t shake it. When I got home, though, as I shared in my last post, I had the opportunity to lead my 5 year old son to the Lord. It was in that moment that God reminded me, “Andy, I got this. I will take care of you and your family.”
And I know that He will take care of us, I know that there is not a need that I have that He cannot meet, and I know that when I seek Him I will always find Him. Pray with me that I will seek Him. That I will look for God’s blessings and evidence of His faithfulness and not let Satan rob me of joy and thankfulness. Pray with me that God will provide the needed support partners for our family to get to 100% and that I will have peace as we wait and be diligent to keep pursuing potential partners. I hate being consumed by anxiety and worry, but once again am thankful that my God is not!